The human animal bond is a very strong one. The love we feel for our pets means that their deaths cause grief, which varies in intensity but is very real. Acknowledging and dealing with that grief is important to allow us to heal and move on.
Grieving often occurs in several stages - usually identified as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, then acceptance. It is helpful not to think of these stages as a definite progression, as they are often jumbled together. In addition, the grieving process becomes less intense over time, but may take a long time to disappear and can be triggered again by events such as another death, or even the acquisition of a new pet, among others.
Grief for pets is often compounded if the decision must be made to euthanize your pet as well. Veterinarians can advise on this matter but ultimately the decision is up to the owner, and the finality and power of this decision can be overwhelming. I can speak from personal experience when I say that no matter how ill your pet is, the decision to euthanize your pet can be among the most difficult you will ever make. It is a great gift to be able to end the suffering of a pet, but it still brings with it extra guilt feelings.
Unfortunately, some of the pets commonly acquired for children have pretty short life spans. This means the child with a hamster or gerbil, for example, will be faced with the death of their pet in a relatively short time. While providing an opportunity to introduce the concept of death to children, it is important to be careful how death is explained (avoiding phrases like "put to sleep," for example). While children are often quite accepting of death, it is very important to allow the child to express their grief in their own way, and be prepared for the subject to come up often following the death of a pet. It is common for children to revisit their grief repeatedly and ask questions often, so patience, understanding, and honesty are required.
The following sites are useful in explaining the grieving process, including manifestations of grief in various ages of children and also other pets:
- Coping With the
Loss of a Pet
From HomeVet, a guide to the grieving process, including the stages of grief, explaining pet loss to children (age by age guidelines), and making the decision to euthanize. - Grief and Pet Loss
By Margaret Muns, DVM, discussion of the stages of the grieving process, and the manifestations of grief in other pets. - Cornell University Pet
Loss Support Hotline
Along with the number for the support hotline operated by vet student volunteers, this site also features helpful information on the grieving process and other resources, including a list of suggested books to help kids cope.
The difficulty in coping with the death of pets is that some people do not understand the need to openly grieve a pet. A grieving owner needs a place to vent and express their emotions, but sometimes this need is not acknowledged by others. It is helpful to seek out others who can understand your pain and are willing to empathize. Unfortunately, with some exotic pets there may be more chance that others will not be sympathetic to the attachment owners feel to their pets. Some exotic pets are not cuddly and some are not with us for long, but they are all unique and they are all loved!
Often, creating some sort of memorial to your pet can be very helpful in the grieving process. Some ideas include creating a memorial scrapbook or journal for your pet, planting a tree, writing poetry, or even creating an online memorial. PetLoss.com is a wonderful resource, with a message board, chat room, inspirational poetry, stories and memorials, and recommendations for books. In addition, your veterinarian should be able to direct you to a local pet loss support group or hotline if one exists. If not, check the Petloss.com list of phone numbers for pet loss support. In addition, the Exotic Pets Forum here at About.com has a folder for pet loss support messages.
More Reading: For a discussion of pets and the afterlife with a biblical/Christian slant, you might want to check out Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates - a site that offers encouragement to those who have lost pets and addressing the question of animals and afterlife. You'll find articles and resources for animal lovers as well as excerpts and online ordering for "Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates."